Everyone has a few bad habits. I for example, bite my nails. It’s not a nervous habit, just something that has been programmed into my brain and manifests as an action I engage in methodically. There are varying degrees of bad habits obviously and some of them evolve into greater issues. Some of them need to be broken. The very nature of a habit is that is has been done with such regularity that it becomes a part of our operating system. We do it without thinking about it, essentially.
It is when negative consequences of those habits begin to cause issues that we realize we may need to change them. It’s kind of like trying to implement new policy where one has already been in place for years, it’s slow and meets much resistance. You know that expression, “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks?” It’s kind of like that (only the new trick is learning to undo an old trick), it takes time, energy and patience. But it can be done. Here is how.
The first step is recognizing that the habit is causing some kind of issue. If you don’t believe that the habit is bad, you won’t be able to effectively change or stop it. Take some time to think about the consequences that arise from the action itself (for example: biting my nails is probably not good for my teeth, it leaves my nails looking jagged and uneven, etc.). If that proves difficult, try looking at your habit from another persons’ perspective. What about it might bother others(I still can’t hear this word without picturing Jin from Lost uttering the phrase in his Korean accent)? Once you have recognized the negatives and decided that it is best to change the habit, you can move on to step 2.
The second step starts with another first. In order to break the habit you must first understand how and why it started. There must be a positive (or at least an attraction) in there somewhere that drew you to the action. I probably first started biting my nails so I wouldn’t have to go get the nail clippers and then get rid of the mess afterward (wow that sounds like a weak reason). From there it snowballed into a regular occurrence that became second nature. Think about why the action first began and what made it a repeatable offense. Once you have identified the negative and positive reasons from where the habit originated, you can start the hardest step: actually not doing it anymore.
One important thing to always keep in mind: whatever the habit, you can live without it and will be better off without it. Remember that. Write it down.
Think of some ways to diminish the value of the habit. Make a list of the negative results to look at when you find yourself biting your nails (or whatever it may be). Trash talk it, make it seem stupid. Whatever works to ingrain the notion that the action is invaluable. This will invariably take some time and some getting used to.
Give yourself a little bit of leeway in halting the bad habit, but not too much. It is a gradual process, and some slip ups are inevitable. If you draw a hard line and try to go cold turkey, when you do revert (it will happen tough guy) there will be an unnecessary amount of guilt and anger toward yourself which isn’t helpful. Be firm and confident that you can overcome your habit but not too strict so as to drive yourself crazy with unrealistic expectations.
Setting goals can be an asset. Sometimes, it is helpful to wean yourself off of the habit, much like quitting cigarettes. Allow yourself a certain allotment of the habit per week, reducing the frequency until it is eliminated completely. Obviously in some circumstances, depending on the habit and its consequences, this graduated process doesn’t quite work. If your habit is shoplifting you should probably do your best to stop right away.
This is a general and simplified solution and it should be understood that breaking a habit isn’t easy. It requires concentration and dedication beyond the basic resolution to quit doing something. So, whattaya say old dog? Want to unlearn an old trick?
