Where is the love?

here is a loud conversation going on behind me, toward the back of the bus. Two men are blabbering on as if the other 50 passengers can’t hear everything they are saying. The subject and content are, to put it mildly, distasteful. I try to focus on the book sitting open in my lap and disregard the ignorance spewing from their mouths. Try as I might, different scenarios begin to play out in my mind. First I stand up and calmly put them down with an intelligent and flawless statement, they have no choice but to be quiet. I acknowledge that the outcome of that scenario is more likely to result in some kind of altercation and so my mind wanders further. I won’t go into too much detail about the second scenario, but the two men end up in enough pain to force an end to their conversation.


In reality, nobody says anything to the men for the remainder of the ride and we all arrive at our destinations without injury. I’m sure I wasn’t the only one on that bus ride envisioning violent action, but nobody said a word. We all have moments or experiences when we feel anger and a desire to turn that fury into violence. Most of us, however, choose to overlook the source of our frustration and take the higher road. Our patience is stronger than our rage.


What is it then, that makes some people take the other path? There are those to whom violence is the answer to frustration. I will go ahead and spoil the end of this post by saying that I don’t have an answer. I don’t know why some people lash out with fists when others would choose to run or talk. I don’t know why they walk into schools and office buildings hell bent on destruction. The sad reality is that it happens. There is a disconnect between those who can control the naturally occurring human emotion that is anger and those who allow it to transform into violence.


Michael Vick can be used as an example. He fought dogs against each other and tortured and even killed those that underperformed. Where was his conscience to tell him that was wrong? What happened in his life that stunted the development of that right/wrong compass?


Sure video games, movies and TV have become increasingly violent and in more realistically graphic ways. But there are so many young people who grow up with that exposure and can still function in society without acting like the Allstate mayhem guy. So, we’ll put that on the back burner for now(definitely not endorsing young people’s exposure to violent entertainment).


Following the tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary School, there has been a focus on the mental health awareness in our country. My sister and her husband nearly purchased a house in Newtown recently (before the Sandy Hook shooting). My heart broke as I watched the news coverage this December, picturing my unborn niece or nephew lying on the floor of that school, or the love of my life, a guidance counselor. Still, it wasn’t a chemical or psychological imbalance that made the young man walk into that school. The majority of those with mental disabilities don’t turn to violence.

It could be related to upbringing and lessons learned or not learned early in life. It could be the influence of where and how the psyche is developed. It could be a genetic trait passed on between generations. Most likely it is a combination of some or all of these.  As we know the most violent people who have surfaced in our society lately haven’t come from rough neighborhoods. They grew up in relative ease, in middle class families with means. No matter where you grow up, however, psychological damage can be sustained.


There needs to be a concentrated effort to study the lives of violent people and to identify the common factors which may determine a person’s tendency for violence. What kinds of events lead to the degeneration of the conscience? Or do violent people never develop a conscience? Or do they just ignore it when it’s telling them that something is wrong? Obviously the fear of punishment and the negative emotions that go along with hurting others are not enough to stop the desire for violent action.


How do we stop the violence? Sorry, but I did warn you, I don’t have an answer.