The Self Made Man

Abraham Lincoln. When most people hear this name I would imagine they think of our 16th President, the man who pulled a nation through Civil War and essentially ended slavery. Maybe you think of Daniel Day-Lewis and Steven Spielberg. I won’t pretend that this post isn’t partially driven by the success of the recent movie about the legendary man. I would like to focus not on his accomplishments so much, but more on how he was able to put himself in a position to make them happen. 

Abraham Lincoln was born to a poor farm family in Kentucky. He lived in a series of small cabins with his family in the woods of the Midwest and spent only a small amount  of time in a classroom  in his youth. He learned to read and write with help from his step-mother and became literate through self-perseverance. He had a rough childhood, his father wasn’t exactly a warm and supportive man, especially after his mother passed away when he was just a boy. If not for the love of his stepmother, he may have been lost in a world of grief and anger.

Can you imagine what kinds of sorrow he must have experienced? A life of hard labor as a young man, a father hardened by the work he had to endure just to keep his family alive, and then losing his mother? Of course, death was more common in the early 1800’s, many common ailments we endure today often resulted in death back then. Even so, I imagine that a young man’s loss would have the same impact then as it does today. Many historians agree that Abe probably battled depression throughout his life, enduring bouts of sadness and despair.

Abe never let his struggles keep him down for long. He was determined to make something of himself, and he left home shortly after he came of age. He found work where he could, as a clerk in a general store, working his way up to postmaster, doubling as a land surveyor, all the while educating himself in law and politics. He gained notoriety and eventually threw his hat into the political ring and was elected a member of the Illinois House of Representatives on his second try (Basler, Roy P.).

In the midst of his growing success came the news of the death of his sister. Another tragedy that must have deeply saddened and troubled the young man. But onward he pushed and after a stall in his political career, he began to practice law in Springfield, Illinois. He couldn’t stay out of the ring for long, however, and he was soon back in the Illinois House of Representatives. He was then elected to Congress and from there, as we know, he was chosen to move into the biggest house on Pennsylvania Avenue (Basler, Roy P.).

Wow. Inspiring to say the least. A young man comes from the woods of Kentucky, escapes his most likely fate of a life of farming rocky soil, educates himself and busts his hump all the way into the White House. He started with no money and no means, often struggling to pay debts. He was no doubt filled with resentment, working hard and long hours, battling the pangs of depression and sorrow from years of loss. Yet, he persevered.

Think about what it would take today for someone to come from a farm in Illinois with no education and end up the most important man in the country. It would be the equivalent of President Obama having only attended kindergarten. It’s simply not possible. Were people dumber back then? No that can’t be true, we elected Arnold and Jesse “The Body.” Are there just too many distractions nowadays? No that can’t be true either, we have the answers to everything at our fingertips (I just found the names of Jesse Ventura’s wife and kids on my phone). So how did Abe Lincoln do it?

Simply put, he was one of a kind. Now I know that 1850 was much different than 2013, that argument is not lost on me. Everything is more complicated and technological. Becoming the POTUS now is a completely different endeavor. But that shouldn’t take away from what Abraham Lincoln endured to change his future and even our own. He is a model of success that every man, woman and child should admire.


I think we all have times when we feel like  life has given us the short end of the stick. At those moments we should think of this example and remember that our fate is largely in our own hands. Of course there are outside factors and other people who influence us along the way, but what we put into life with our own hard work has the greatest importance.      
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Basler, Roy P. “Timeline of Abraham Lincoln’s Political Career.” Timeline of Abraham Lincoln’s Political Career. N.p., 2012. Web. 24 Jan. 2013.
       

The Silver Lining of Struggle

Life is a struggle. Love is a battlefield. No pain no gain. All overused clichés, right? Yes. However, there is some existential truth behind the pop lyrics and sports mantras. We need to struggle at some point in our lives. Struggle is good for us, it teaches us to work hard and to appreciate the good things that we have. Without hardship, life would be one big bowl of rose scented ease. It would be slow and relaxed. Where’s the fun in that?


There is a general belief in our society that I would like to point out. We are told to save for retirement as soon as possible so we can play golf and sit on the beach in Florida as soon as we hit 62. Buy a big flat screen, 3D, HD, smart TV so we can really enjoy our leisure time. Call a stock broker so our money can make money for us. We save our pennies so we can buy the products that are designed and marketed to encourage our leisure. This is all well and good. I want a big screen TV some day and I wouldn’t mind playing a little more golf (or I should say some at all), but before I get there, I know I have a lot of work to do.


There seems to be an increasing notion that the ultimate goal should be to lead comfortable, leisurely lives. The idea of struggle seems to suggest that we are doing something wrong, that we have somehow failed. We expect immediate returns on our investments and if we’re not living comfortably according to plan, we messed up somewhere along the line. If you agree with this statement, then what I’m trying to convey here may be hard to digest, but here goes. We are supposed to struggle through life. Now, I’m not just making a blanket statement that I blindly hold onto as truth because I’m not what most would consider “successful.” This is no statement of hope for a better life somewhere down the line. God said it and history proves it.


“If there is no struggle, there is no progress… This struggle may be a moral one; or it may be a physical one; or it may be both moral and physical; but it must be a struggle.” These words were delivered by Frederick Douglass in 1857 in a preface to the Civil War (Taylor, Quintard). He was raised on a slave holding plantation taught himself to read and write and eventually became a respected writer and public speaker for abolition and women’s rights (Fremarjo Enterprises). He knew the value of hardship. Obviously slavery was far from a necessary struggle, but general adversity is an important step toward the appreciation of life.

Jesus was a man who travelled from city to city preaching about love, both of God and of each other. He recognized that there was struggle in life and even told his disciples “In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world” (John 16:33). Whether you accept the man as your savior or not, he recognized that he had to endure the greatest struggle of all in order for his message to forever impact mankind. He was tortured and killed by the very race of men to which he had been preaching the power of love. He endured the ultimate struggle in order to preserve the idea of goodness. Death can sometimes result from struggle, but without it the world would never change. Out of struggle comes new life, better life.


Okay, let’s bring this back down to earth and present day. How does this apply to our daily lives? Well, most of us struggle on a daily basis, right? No matter how small or large that struggle is, doesn’t it make those moments of peace and serenity even better? What if you won the lottery today? You took home some exorbitant amount of money that ensured you would never have to work again, that all your bills would be paid forever. What would you do? How would you live after that? Buy a huge house and a couple cars, all those products made to encourage your life of leisure? How long would that actually make you happy, though? What would you do all day every day, with nothing to occupy your time? Most, I think, would start a non-profit or volunteer their time and resources to helping others or solving one of the world’s problems. Essentially take on another struggle. Circle of life people.


From the beginning of life we go to school and we study, we work hard to learn as much as we can. We go to college to learn even more and to prepare for a career. We have to study a little harder than we did before. We then land jobs that require us to work hard to accomplish a common goal and to earn a living. We fall in love and get married and buy houses. Then the cycle starts over when we raise children of our own. All of these stages require effort and determination. We work for that ideal retirement, for that cold beer at the end of the day, for the Sunday of relaxing and watching football. If all these luxuries just existed without the necessary hardship, how would our world be different? Would we be uneducated and lazy? Sounds like a terrible existence.


The investments that yield the most rewarding profits are those that require sweat and will power, time and energy. Someone who takes care of a home with their own two hands will more fully enjoy the benefits of that investment. Someone who pays for their own education and diligently studies to earn a degree will more completely appreciate that accomplishment. Someone who dedicates time and effort to a marriage or parenthood will truly value the love received in return. Put in the work, enjoy the dessert. Work before play. More clichés (yeah I’m a poet).  


We should also understand what that work does for us, beyond the results. Beyond hard work is the general concept of struggle. Be it in application to civil war or working your way up the corporate ladder, it is encompassing of all the exertion a certain need requires. It is tough to simplify this concept into one word, but struggle makes us stronger. Struggle teaches us about ourselves and allows us to adapt and grow. It allows us to discover how to best survive.


I’m thankful that my life hasn’t been a cake walk. I know that I’m better suited for the ways of the world. So, next time you’re having a self-pity party, crying into your Ben & Jerry’s pint, just remember that your struggle is valuable. You are lifting emotional weights that are building emotional muscles that will serve you for the rest of your life. Struggle is good for you, wear it like a badge.  

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Taylor, Quintard. An Online Reference Guide to African American History. n.d.
Fremarjo Enterprises, Inc. A Short Biography of Frederick Douglass. n.d. Fremarjo Enterprises, Inc.

Catch-22

I was struggling to come up with a new topic this week when I had a dream that someone randomly told me they had enjoyed my post about the social disparity between men and women in the dating world. In reality, I have been formulating this theory for a few years now and I guess that was the push I needed to put it into words. So, here goes.

My girlfriend and I rarely fight. Sure we have disagreements, but we are generally able to put our egos aside and compromise on most issues. Probably the most heated debate we have had does not involve politics or national security, but of course revolves around the controversial relationship between Taylor Swift and John Mayer. Now, I’m sure you can guess who sided with which celebrity and you may even be thinking, “How can you not side with sweet, innocent TayTay.” I will reluctantly admit that I am (or was) sort of a John Mayer fan, as much as a 26 year old man should be. Out of the catchy acoustic singer-song writer he emerged as one of the best guitar players of his generation. The brilliant “Continuum” is one of my favorite albums, but ever since his music as well as his character have taken a collective nosedive. I’m aware that he may very well be all of the scumbag the media portrays and this is in no way meant to be taken in defense of the man.


With that disclaimer out of the way, John Mayer may not be the poster boy for this argument, but nonetheless our debate lends a pathway to the thesis of this post. Namely, that there is a real catch-22 when it comes to the dating scene.


John Mayer has been linked to a slew of attractive female celebrities. He has also said some very disturbing things publicly which contributed to his far less than sterling reputation, but for the sake of this argument let’s say that all we know about his private life is that he has dated a lot of women. There are certainly men out there who are looking to use women for their own satisfaction, with little to no regard for the feelings they may hurt or the hearts they may break (the cast of a certain MTV show comes to mind). I would like to leave these men out of this discussion, I certainly agree that they have earned their unscrupulous reputations. I do, however, genuinely believe that the majority of men are looking for love and ultimately a life-long partner. These are the ones to which I am referring in this discussion.


Now let’s get down to brass tacks. A man who date several women in succession (not at once, that’s a whole other issue), will always be given a reputation as a womanizer. Even when his intentions are strictly above the belt, if a man tells a woman that she isn’t the one (you probably shouldn’t use those words, but let’s be honest we all know what “I’m just not ready for a relationship” means) she will call him a dog. To his face, maybe, but to those in her social circles, definitely. If a man does this with several women, then he is doomed to roam the earth labeled as someone who can’t be trusted.


I think it is commonly agreed upon that most of us will sample a few rotten apples before we find the best one. Men and women, gay and straight, will have good and bad relationships that will come to an end. Breakups are messy and hurtful things, not envied by anyone, but they are a virtual certainty. My question is, once again, why must the man who initiates a breakup because he has decided that the woman is not a good match be deemed a womanizer? Obviously he shouldn’t just carry on in the relationship when his heart isn’t in it, that wouldn’t be fair to her. The best thing he can do is to have an honest discussion about his feelings toward her, using carefully chosen language to cause as little pain as possible. It didn’t work out, move on. But it almost never ends there. He must then be dragged through the mud, his intentions distorted to appear dishonest, when in fact the exact opposite was true.


So, the well-intentioned man, having dated several women in his attempt to find love, suddenly has a reputation mirroring those reckless and decadent men mentioned above. And thus, women have come to not only think, but openly declare that all men are out to use women.
Just as I have acknowledged that not all men have devious intentions, I should probably also recognize that surely (at least hopefully) not all women have this view of the opposite sex. Additionally, I’m sure there are also women who have short sighted, self-pleasing intentions toward men (there are plenty of names dedicated to the description of such women). However, women haven’t been grouped into one destructive stereotype, as have men.


What about an honest women with the intention of finding love? Does she not sometimes initiate a breakup or tell someone she’s just not that into him and cause a man heartbreak? Of course, and when she does her reputation doesn’t suffer, she isn’t lumped in with the aforementioned group of women (with the not so nice names). She’s just looking for “the one,” just looking for love. Which is true. So why is the same not true for men? Catch-22.


I’m not trying to start a gender war or anything. Women are great, superior to men in so many ways. They mature faster, smell better, and are statistically better educated. All I’m saying is, take a look at John Mayer’s dating history compared to Taylor Swift’s. Not much different, both long and full of good looking celebrities. Yet, he’s a dog and she’s a victim. In this case it probably has something to do with her sweet and innocent demeanor and the fact the he once used the “n” word in an interview with Playboy (again not a sterling example). Maybe the disparity is penance for centuries of gender inequality. I can’t argue against either case, but the fact remains that men have a social disadvantage when it comes to courting a potential spouse. I’m here to raise awareness. Ladies, we’re not all bad. 

Oh and John Mayer, please make another “Continuum.”